About Me

My name is Jennifer McIntosh.  I am 26 years old and have attended Keene State College since January 2010.  Prior to this, I attended Manchester Community College.  I am a junior majoring in psychology.  I have cerebral palsy but cerebral palsy does not define me. There have been many challenges I have had to overcome throughout my life. My family has been there since day one especially my Mom. Although we fight sometimes I know she will be there for me no matter what. My uncle is a buffer for us.  He is like a big brother to me. My family gave me confidence in myself and always encouraged me to work thru my hard times and reach for my dreams. One of my challenges that I face each day is verbal communication.  It has been very frustrating knowing what I wanted to say but not being able to say it as quickly and efficiently as I want. I currently use an ecko augmentative device which I affectionately refer to as “Pinky”.  Even though I have cerebral palsy I am a regular college student. I stay up late doing projects. I also go to my friends dorms. I see myself as a young woman who just happens to have a disability. I kind of feel like I don't have disability; instead I view myself as a woman with issues. Hey everyone has issues.

Sometimes I am in groups at school and I don't feel included because others students don't know how to communicate with me. But by the end of semester they learn how to communicate with me. They begin to talk about movies and other things to me. Sometimes my friends talk about their boyfriends and I used to feel excluded but I had a boyfriend (who I dumped). I have still never been kissed. I think it is harder for girls who have disabilities to date but we still want to just as much as any other girl. I can tell many stories of where I’ve been, including my first drink! I was with my friends and it was the day before my 19^th birthday and I had a hurricane. It was delicious. I got drunk that night. In the morning my mom called and my friend answered the phone, told her I got drunk they didn’t tell me that I was going have  a big party when mom came and visited that day. She gave me the look. This past year I completed a dance class at my college. It was so much fun and I made a few friends. 

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. When I was three, I began at a preschool that focused on special education. In order to go to regular class I needed to take a test. I passed this test, was mainstreamed, and was able to go to these classes. I started to make friends, and have sleepovers. I remember I was nervous to start regular classes because spelling was my challenge. To help me, my mom put close caption on TV so I could learn to spell better.

Since my early childhood my family helped me communicate by saying the alphabet while I indicated with a nod which letter was needed to spell out what I was saying.  I still communicate this way with different people in my life who know that communication system.  When I was ten, I began to use a computer and  switch to communicate. At twenty one, I started using a communication device called Pinky. I used it with a head switch, which was very time consuming. In April 2011 I get a new Pinky that uses eye gaze instead of a head switch. This has helped me to communicate at a faster pace. 

My mom received assistance from Maine for awhile, but when I turned twenty, Maine told me that I had to start looking for a nursing home to live in.  At the time, I thought that I had to do what they told me, which made me feel scared.  I felt powerless about my own future. I didn’t want to live in a nursing home because I was only twenty. I have already lived in a group home and did not want to live there any longer. I was worried because Maine only offers support to those who were mentally challenged, not physically. The only options available to me were to move into a nursing home or continue living with my mother as my only caretaker. We would kill each other! I was trying to find help, but the Department of Health and Human Services system is very complicated, and left me confused. When I was 21, I formed a group to help me with my pursuit to fight for my rights as an individual. We succeeded, and over the past four years I have worked to fulfill the dream of living on my own. I am happy to say that I moved to Keene into my own apartment May of 2010. I still there today.

In 2007 I was nominated for the Institute on Disability’s Leadership Series.  I really wanted to take this series and was excited to be accepted because I wanted to learn how to be a better advocate for myself and others. At the series, I learned to think outside the box. This was really important because the work of advocacy needs to be creative.  I realized I truly can be independent.  Before the series, I was hoping to live in a group home, but since then I’ve widened my choices.  I currently live in my own apartment with support staff.  I learned to talk to my representatives in the Legislature because they have the power to make changes in favor of those with disabilities. Until the series I never was interested in politics, but now I actively participate because I realize their decisions affect me personally. The series also taught me how much more effective it can be to work towards a goal with other people.

In the summer of 2010 I went to a weeklong training in Virginia called Gamaliel. The Gamaliel group is a church based organization.  Although training itself was difficult due to tough, heartbreaking questions, it was also very liberating. It was difficult to be asked to face my own demons and oppressors to see what was really standing in the way of my full potential. There were funny moments in addition to the difficult moments. For me, it was funny to see the fear in the eyes of some of the pastors when I asked them for a “one on one” meeting.  These were middle aged men that looked like linebackers for the Patriots!  I’d get near them and they’d start to fidget in their seat.  They started to feel more at ease when I explained how I communicate using Pinky, and went through the alphabet with Linda Q.  People thought I was just a pretty girl in a wheelchair but when I talked, their eyes started to see the real me.

Considering New Hampshire’s history of disregarding people with disabilities, I have a good life. I work hard, study hard and enjoy friends and family.  I don’t live in a hospital or institution where I’d be left to rot.  It wasn’t all that long ago that society did that to people like me. Fortunately, with the help of technology like Pinky, I can advocate for myself and the rights of others with disabilities. I will continue to educate the public by using my voice so that they too, can dream about things seemingly impossible. 

If I didn’t know my rights, I probably would have given up a long time ago and would be in a nursing home somewhere in Maine. But I’m not! I’m loving my own apartment here in Keene. I’m making my own decisions and I have rights.